Our programming gurus, Tom Bell and Terra Elan McVoy, take great pride in their ability to program for a diverse audience. They have, however, missed an important book loving segment, and we have been called out. A letter of protest has been received in our offices from Kona K., head of public relations at Bound to Be Read Books.

My name is Kona Kitty and I am the Director of Public Relations at Bound To Be Read Books, plus a paw model, and lead singer in the all-feline punk band Kona Kitty and the Kinky Whiskers. Purrhaps the name rings a tiny silver bell … Ding-a-ling? I’m also an author and currently shopping my life story, Furmoir: My Life in Fur, as well as my historical Southern epic, Fsst! with the Wind.

It has come to my attention that there is a paucity of pussycats in the 2010 Decatur Book Festival program. Not only is there a very blatant human bias in the featured authors and events, but I am deeply troubled that you included a “Man’s Best Friend Track” of talks by authors of books about dogs.

And where, purr-chance is the “Cats ‘R’ Cool Track” of talks by authors of books about kitties? In reviewing the program, I have identified not one author or event featuring writers of the feline purrsuasion. Once again cats have been pushed to the back of the pet carrier, leaving a slobbering face as the image of domesticated pets everywhere. I hiss in your general direction!

Maybe I could look beyond this egregious species bias had the books featured in your doggie track actually been written by dogs. But no—they’re written by humans! (I’m beginning to see a disturbing pattern here, Mr. Wang.) Why the Decatur Book Festival would want to highlight an animal that slobbers profusely and has to be walked to the toilet several times a day is beyond me. Dogs have as much in common with books as birds have with kilts. Cats, on the other paw, are like a good book in lots of ways, although space does not permit me to list them now.

It’s also imperative to mention the great legends of the feline literary canon whose names and masterpieces you have blatantly ignored. Who can forget the screwball comedy of Mr. Mittens’ zany tale of a jealous housecat who sells the new baby on e-Bay in I Bid You Adieu?

Who didn’t fear for all of their nine lives while reading Lady Bird Munchenstein’s thriller about a recovering catnip junkie stalked by a psychopathic gardener in Nip It in the Bud?

Who could quit turning pages to find out how an ordinary tomcat could pull off a pet store heist in Puss in Cahoots? Wonderful stories, all!

Clearly an injustice has occurred under your leadership, Mr. Wang, and recompense – or a tuna milkshake, at the very least – is called for.

This is a serious matter and, although I support the fabulous job that you do in the Atlanta literary community, we cats must stand up for dignity and inclusion. Therefore, I am calling for a feline boycott of the 2010 Decatur Book Festival.

That’s right, there will be no pussycats shyly raising their paws during the keynote speaker’s address to ask Mr. Franzen if he prefers short-hairs to long-haired breeds. There will be no cats to walk between Ms. Gruen’s legs and warm her ankles. And there will be no pussycat posse patrolling the Old Courthouse for rogue mice that may interrupt your little soiree with their tiny pitter-pattering feet.

I am feline; hear me roar!

If the kitty literati is not shown some love at the 2011 Decatur Book Festival, I promise you that books will be shredded, Mr. Wang, books will be shredded …

Miaow for now,

Kona Kitty,

Director of Public Relations

It's not as if my own cats haven't lodged this complaint with me personally. We should have been more sensitive to the issue